Absolution
by DarkLadyRevan41
Summary: Carth has made a terrible mistake. But will he realize it in time? LSF!Revan/Carth *Rated T for suicide themes*


**Hey everyone! This is my first story to post on here so constructive criticism is encouraged! I have others planned but I decided to start with a One-Shot. **

**I do not own KOTOR or any of it's respective characters; all credit goes to LucasArts and George Lucas.**

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KotOR One-Shots: #1

**Title:** Absolution

**Pairing:** LSF Revan & Carth

**Setting:** Cargo hold of the _Ebon Hawk_

**Time:** Aftermath of the _Leviathan _

**Absolution**

Aarax ran to the cargo hold, eyes stinging from tears threatening to fall. Her crew had openly supported the shattering revelation and she was grateful for the unconditional support they offered. Malak had told her a terrible truth on the _Leviathan_, one that she didn't want to believe was true; but somehow she knew that it was. She was formerly the Dark Lord Revan, who terrorized the galaxy almost a year before. This chilling revelation made all the broken puzzle pieces come into focus and made the last few confusing months make a whole lot more sense. All the strange things made sense; the mysterious bond with Bastila, being allowed to train to be a Jedi at an older age, and her strange visions, or rather, her past memories now resurfacing. She locked the door and bolted it shut; so none could interrupt her self-loathing and contemplations on her dark past. Aarax sank to her knees and just cried endlessly. She was sobbing for her dark past, and her now shattered future.

That thought brought on more tears, she had fallen, hard, for that pilot, and she had thought, he with her. But this revelation had shattered the fragile trust that he had for her; thinking that she had known all along. Carth now personally hated every fiber of her being; she knew he was blowing off steam in the cockpit. That was his way of dealing with anger; hers was hiding in the cargo hold behind crates so that no one could find her.

In the weeks that passed in hyperspace on the way to Manaan, she found herself refusing to eat, talk to anyone on board the _Ebon Hawk _or even sleep; for fear of those horrid memories returning. She knew the rest of the crew, minus one, would worry about her. She knew that Mission, bless her heart, sat outside her door and quietly waited for Aarax to show herself. She would miss Mission and all the others. Her only regret would be that she never would get to say goodbye….

The crew had not seen or heard from Aarax −Revan− for almost the whole three weeks enroute to Manaan. Carth had holed himself up in the cockpit, and never came out with the exception of the evening meal. Aarax had not shown herself yet and the crew was tense, you could feel it. Everyone had always looked to Aarax, Bastila, and Carth for leadership. But now with Bastila captured by Darth Malak, Carth brooding in the cockpit and Aarax off somewhere and emotionally unstable, the crew didn't know what to do with themselves.

One day out from Manaan, Jolee knew something was not right. The air felt odd, as if impending death was upon them. Then, he heard the shot and immediately knew what had happened; but the question was, who did it?

The shot had woken up all the remaining crew members, and they shouted about in confusion. All but Carth searched the ship for the perpetrator. Then, almost two minutes into the search, Mission screamed in horror. Jolee ran to where the teenage twi'lek's scream emanated and followed her gaze to the floor. Jolee's eyes widened in horror; under the cargo hold's door was a steadily growing pool of crimson blood. Jolee quickly picked the lock with the Force, and what he saw inside was a disaster.

There, in the middle of the cargo hold, was Aarax, face down, in a growing pool of her own blood. Loosely gripped in her fingers was a hold-out blaster, still smoking from the shot that had been fired. Jolee ran over to the broken woman, and he desperately checked for a pulse; but to no avail, Aarax Draven, formerly known as the Dark Lord Revan, was dead. Jolee walked over to the nearest wall of the cargo hold and picked up a note that looked liked it had been showered in anguished tears. On the front it was labeled−"To Carth." Jolee immediately pocketed the note and went to the console a sobbing Mission, who was holding Aarax's bloody, broken body and was wailing in despair for the loss of her only motherly-figure. Jolee decided he would take the devastating news to the crew first, after Mission stops sobbing. Then he would silently give the tear-ridden note to Carth, who was still holed up in the cockpit; oblivious to what was happening currently.

When the rest of the crew beheld the news, the room went dead silent. They had already touched down on Manaan, but Carth _still _hadn't shown himself; he didn't even know that Aarax was dead. They had taken her body and wrapped it up in a bunch of spare cloth and gauze they had found in the med bay; then they set her corpse on her bunk until they could have a proper ceremony for it. It was tradition to cremate the bodies so they could be released into the Force. After wrapping the body, the crew dispersed and a new aura of sorrow and despair engulfed the _Ebon Hawk_. With that Jolee made his way up to the cockpit.

Jolee found Carth in his usual spot, the pilot's chair. Carth was started from his musings when Jolee came in. The old man scowled at him silently and shook his head in disappointment; then he just handed Carth the mysterious note as he walked out. Carth was left alone again and he went back to his silent musings. He looked down at the note Jolee had given to him, on the front was his name; so it was obviously for him. The weird thing was, though, it looked as if it was covered in tears that had dried hours before. He opened the note and immediately knew who had written this, her slanting handwriting was scribbled across the page. The note read:

"_Dear Carth,"_

"_I can't blame you for not forgiving me for everything that my past contains. I can't even begin to comprehend it. But somehow, no matter how much I don't want to believe it, I know it is true. I have come to the conclusion that I can only atone for my past atrocities that I have committed by my own death. I don't want Revan to come back anymore than you do; so, I will take care of that problem for you. I just wanted you to tell the others to not be too hard on each other, and take care of our little family we all have here together. Save Bastila and move on with the mission without me. Defeat Malak and the Sith, I know you can; after all, what good will I do for this mission if I started all this? I was a Dark Lord and now I'm saving the republic from my own armies? Everyone knows that I'll never be accepted back anyways. I know that you hate me; but, I just wanted you to know that I have always loved you. That's why I can't stand to live any longer if you look at me with hatred blazing in your eyes. I'm sorry but I have to do this. Know that I will miss you all and that you are never alone, none of you are."_

"_Love always,_

_Aarax Derian"_

After reading the message, Carth bolted out of the cockpit thinking_, "No, no, no...,"_with each step he took, _"Not again." _When he saw the somber faces of the crew, he knew in his heart that it was too late. He ran to the cargo hold and stopped at the horrid sight of it. Blood was everywhere; the ceiling, floor and there was a blaster left in the middle of it all. On a table at the nearest side of the hold to the door, was Aarax's cold corpse. Judging by the carnage in the hold; she had clearly shot herself in the head at point-blank range. He guessed she possibly figured that by blasting herself in the head, Revan couldn't come back.

Jolee then shuffled into the cargo hold. He saw the tears and anguished expression on Carth's face and said, "She's dead Carth, she shot herself thirty minutes ago. We are going to burn her body in a few hours on Manaan's coast.

For a minute Carth didn't respond, but then he spoke up; his voice cracking, "Why? Why did she have to think she had to kill herself to be forgiven?"

Jolee sighed, "I don't know lad, I just don't know. The lass was emotionally unstable. She hadn't even eaten for days, or had water for that matter. She loved you, you know."

Carth's hands were shaking, "I know, I could tell by the way she always acting around me. I…I think I loved her too."

Jolee slammed his fist onto the cargo hold's wall, "No, damn it, do or do not, there is no past tense in this matter!"

"I messed up Jolee…I messed up real bad." He sighed as he sat down and put his face in his hands. Jolee bent down and put a hand on Carth's shoulder.

"There is nothing that can be done about it now, lad. Just honor her memory by doing what she asked of you. She wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over this, now would she?" Jolee said and stood again.

"No…I suppose not," Carth said, also getting to his feet, "But I will do as she asked."

Jolee half-smiled and said, "Good, come on now; let's get that last pesky star map. I'm not getting any younger here." he harrumphed and trotted out of the cargo hold muttering something about the food synthesizer getting clogged again.

Carth took one last look at Aarax's dead corpse and walked after Jolee with a heavy heart.


End file.
